Bottom line: If we are not putting on the best meeting in the world, we should probably fold up the tents and go home.

The idea just struck that maybe, just maybe, there is coming a time when I will have something to blog about besides the construction of this Web site: which evokes for me the image of a grandmother sitting alone in the farmhouse staring at the wall, kids all grown up, grandkids all gone to college and dogs off to join the circus.

Friends, I am that lonely grandma.

So time for new blog topics.

According to the web strategy research I've read - and I've read a lot - the true value of a "corporate" blog is to humanize the enterprise. It gives the opportunity for a window into the organization so people can see that, for instance, ICCFA is not run by an alien cult. (Although if you represent an organization run by an alien cult, please send a note via our contact page and I'm sure we can set up a subcommittee to meet your needs).

Now that you've had beaucoup exposure to the sausage-factory of iccfa.com, maybe you'd be interested in something else from the ICCFA oeuvre, maybe a view through a different window?

Here's one, a window into one of the main things we do and the most important from both operational and strategic perspectives: Our meetings and conventions. Why have ICCFA meetings been doing so well? What is my role as chief exec of this function and what have role have I played in making it all happen?

Short answer: Total paranoid freakin' nutjob.

Because, it turns out, you MUST be a total paranoid freakin' nutjob to be even mildly effective in the association meeting field. Or, more precisely, while you maintain the facade of an easy-going, glad-handing dandy, you must have a total paranoid freakin' nutjob living inside your brain in a secure, lead-encased safe room calling the ultimate shots.

Here is how I look at it: From alpha to omega, meetings are a freakin' disaster waiting to happen. Look at it any other way, and you are shark bait.

From the time you choose a location, to choosing the theme, to deciding on speakers, to building the marketing campaign, to getting all the pieces to work and fit together onsite, you are walking a tightrope over the yawning chasm of hell. Get ONE thing wrong - an ineffective promotional piece, a speaker who bombs, a hotel constructing its new wing, a Powerpoint with a meaningless corrupted video file of the monkey scene from 2001 A Space Odyssey - and your conference can become a cataclysm in the twinkling of an eye. I know, I've seen it happen. A bad location, boring theme, "been there, done that" speaker list or glitchy audio-visual can cost an association lots of money, both in lost revenue this year and the next year when the potential attendee demographic has a bad taste still in its collective mouths.

The enemy, the ULTIMATE enemy, is the If We Build It They Will Come attitude.

They will not. They do not. They have a rat's tail end which they DON'T GIVE for all our promotional harumphing about our respective organizations and the "features" we provide at our conventions. If we as association leaders do not do something compelling or new every single time, we are writing the death notice for our meetings. We must provide overwhelming value for our attendees such that they can take the information back home and use it to improve their businesses.

That is why ICCFA's 2009 concept is Join The Evolution - the content is not only new, but it is completely new for our industry. We can honestly say if you are running a funeral home, cemetery or cremation business, you need to know the stuff our 2009 Convention will be teaching you.

If we don't obsess over the logistics to ensure that every single silly onsite effect - from walk-in music to embedded video - comes off flawlessly, we are tarnishing our brand. The people who attend our meetings are spending much more than the registration fee to be there. The least we can do as association executives is wrack our brains for new content and lie awake at night to ensure the logistics are sound. We owe that to our audience.

The association managers may field the public questions, but the total paranoid freakin' nutjob needs to run the show.

And believe me, this has been proven in case after case of ICCFA meetings. Let up just a tad on standards and procedures, and you careen into the chasm of hades. You need to walk into every planning meeting and every pre-conference meeting room and have that still-small-voice in the back of your mind saying: "What is wrong here, and how is our world about to collapse?" I have it, Nadira has it, and Linda has it, and I am proud to say I have instilled in both of them a deep-seated sense of fear and unease which I hope will maintain them throughout their professional lives.

Ahem.

That last statement is a total freakin' lie, which is the one downside of having a total paranoid freakin' nutjob in charge of your brain. Nadira and Linda are actually the cool, collected meeting planners par excellence, which all of you who attend our conferences certainly know. Our meetings run like Swiss watches. I've been to conferences of many types in various fields, and frankly I don't think anyone does it better than ICCFA. Why? Because our meeting managers have internalized the requirements to run great conferences. Location, concept, theme, presenters, logistics, technical: the ICCFA staff folks make it all work. While I'm always the total paranoid freakin' nutjob in the background, they deliver the goods year after year.

Check out the ICCFA Convention program: Only an obsession with quality could have made it happen.