How often do we bemoan the lack of positive coverage of the funeral/cemetery profession in the media? Now there's something you can do about it--every day from now until July 3. Nancy Weil, who is director of aftercare for Mount Calvary Cemetery, Cheektowaga, New York, is certified as a laughter leader, grief management specialist and funeral celebrant. She has entered a contest to host her own show, "The Ha Ha Happy Hour," on the Oprah Network.

I don't think I need to tell you that there is A LOT of competition. I just went to the site to check out Nancy's 3-minute clip and to vote for her show and saw that there are already 2,494 entries, including 453 in her category, Health & Wellbeing. A surprising number have 0 or very few votes, but some people obviously got started early (the contest began mid-May) and have done their social networking, amassing tens of thousands of votes. (You can vote more than once.) The top five submissions will go on to the final selection process.

Here's what Nancy has to say about why we should help her (other than the fact that she gives back to the profession, sharing her ideas with colleagues by writing articles and speaking at conferences):

"I want my peers in the industry to clearly understand why I would encourage them to help me gain the attention of the OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) producers.  I mention in my video entry that I work in grief support for 11 cemeteries and that my show will address tools for tough times.  If I am selected, I will be representing our industry in a positive light that shows the caring side of our work.  The media tends to knock us, mock us and try to make us look like money-hungry monsters. We all know that this is not true, but the public needs to get the message. I will also be looking at cremation and the issues that it creates, as well as the need for a ceremony to support the bereaved when a loved one dies.  Life can be challenging at times, but we all know that the work we do helps our clients through those times with the support and guidance they need.  Let's keep finding a way to spread our message of caring. I'm doing my part; I hope you can help me out with your vote. Thank you." 

Click on the following link to see her 3-minute video and/or to vote for Nancy. Yes, you can vote as often as you like. And please forward this to colleagues, friends and family. In order to finish in the top five, Nancy says, "I need this to go viral, so please post the link on your Facebook page, tweet it, send out e-mails and take out a billboard. You can vote more than once, so if you could take a moment or two to vote each day, that would be wonderful. Watch it the first time, but for subsequent votes, you only need to open it and click 'vote.'"

Nancy's Audition: Ha Ha Happy Hour - OWN TV

Support groups for the bereaved are often divided by age or type of loss or even simply the time when the loss occurred.  Though there is value in these small gatherings, bringing them all together in a larger community can promote a special kind of healing.

It began with an off-hand remark from one of the participants in our Young Widowed/Life Mates Support Group: "I wonder whatever happened to Jill? Has anyone heard from her since she left our group?"

I immediately thought that what we needed was a gathering sometime in the upcoming summer that would bring together all those who had been a part of our five support groups over the last few years.

As the idea began to take form, I realized that the focus could easily be patterned after an old-fashioned summer family reunion. Others would want to know what had happened to the people who had been their companions in grief, and I myself would love to see again some of the faces that had become familiar through our support groups and individual counseling sessions. I also was curious to find out how they were progressing in their individual healing journeys.

Mary Lou Hughes has suggested that "bereavement support groups are a form of magic. They are made up of an assortment of unrelated people who have only their loss and pain in common. An alchemy takes place, and the individuals develop close emotional bonds. The mutual support and understanding helps them emerge from the group in a more positive state of mind."

Was there an opportunity here to expand this support group concept? The idea was actually not new. I had, in the autumn previous to putting that summer event together, planned and implemented our funeral home's first event centered on the holidays and grief.

In the following weeks, I formulated and implemented the three basic principles that would govern my successful format for larger community event gatherings. I had already integrated some of these principles into my ministry during my 23 years as a parish pastor: Educate them, feed them (literally) and send them away with something of substance.

Key components of a community event
1. Education. Grieving people, especially those who are bereaved for the first time, want to know what to expect. It's a good idea to have a trained bereavement counselor to provide some education, but a panel of folks who have dealt with various aspects of grief has even greater impact.

People love to share stories, and this type of sharing helps maintain participants' interest. They can relate to people who, like them, have experienced loss, and are often willing to engage them in conversation.
Also, create a packet of helpful handouts. People need to read as well as hear about grief.

2. Create opportunities for intentional community. This is most easily done over refreshments, when participants are more likely to rub elbows with folks who've had other losses different than their own. James Miller says in his 1997 book, "Helping the Bereaved Celebrate the Holidays," that "refreshments encourage people to mingle, to take their time, and to talk with one another. It also gives people something to do if they're feeling uneasy or nervous ... [it] adds to a sense of community."

3. Include a closing ritual. It has been said that rituals con best express what lies within our hearts when there are no words. "A ritual is an outward gesture or action that expresses, often symbolically, an inner human reality," Miller says. "When words are used, it can name what's difficult to name. When symbolic actions are used, it can help give expression that goes deeper than words can convey at that moment.

Rituals in and of themselves can be transitions." Elaine Childs-Gowell reminds us in "Good Grief Rituals" that "in the ritual you create a small event in order to reflect bigger events in your life."

I had begun to realize that it is positive, even essential, to bring together a broader community of bereaved folks who had different experiences. I remember receiving a number of comments following some of our programs about how helpful it had been to meet with folks who had dissimilar losses. This was the larger community providing healing in a way that the individual support groups could not.

Comparing grieving styles and exchanging stories of how grief was processed and worked through proved to be invaluable for some people. The bereaved found something uniquely comforting in being with a more expansive population.

One of the comments I kept hearing over and over again was: "I wasn't aware of so many people having lost loved ones." It was said not so much with sadness as with a sense of surprise and of belonging to a special group. It was clear that these events were meeting a need that wasn't being met any other way.

Stephen Levine reminds us that "grief has a quality of healing in it that is very deep, because we are forced to a depth of emotion that is usually below the threshold of our awareness." Support groups encourage that quality of healing. They make space for that kind of healing to happen.  Our larger community events continue that healing process.

Three programs for all
Our funeral home sponsors three wider community events for our support groups and those who have come for counseling.

• In April, close to the first day of spring, we hold our Hope, Healing and Renewal event. This program is aimed at people who are beyond the initial stages of grief and looking for signs of healing.

• In August, we have our Summer Support Group Reunion. This event emphasizes fellowship and interaction rather than a formal program.

• In November, we hold our holiday grief program, featuring our Tree of Light and Life. This is our best-attended event for healing, and its popularity keeps growing. In the future, we hope to offer our event at different times, one in the daytime and one in the evening.

Each program has a unique focus and theme, with its own educational and closing ritual components. Each attempts to provide healing with a unique focus and each is eagerly anticipated by the larger community of mourners.