We are embedded in funerals and burials in this industry.  At times, the reality of a death may be unintentionally diluted unless we are personally affected.  When death personally affects me, the snap back into the reality of death is powerful and I can't help but to ponder the importance of this business. 

There was a sudden death in our community of an owner of a popular bicycle store, Jeff, who was very active in the cycling world.  He died doing what he loved - cycling - and it was an unfortunate, tragic accident.  This morning, at the end of a spinning class with other active cyclists in our area, I heard the instructor and an attendee talking about Jeff's funeral, which is being held this weekend.  The person in the class was commenting to the instructor about how RELIEVED she was that there was going to be a funeral mass for him.  RELIEVED... I felt is was an odd word to equate to her feelings about this death.  As they talked further, they both said how important it was that there was going to be a ceremony, in the form of a funeral, rather than nothing at all, or by the family doing something on their own.  Her relief was due to the fact that she needed to be surrounded by people who were celebrating this life and acknowledging the death.  I heard the word "closure" from both of them and didn't hear much more.  Regardless of the sad circumstances, this conversation actually helped to start my day in a positive way because it reinforced to me that our society does need closure and it does need to cry and it does need to grieve and it does need a final resting place to be able to do this whenever the need arises in the future, too.  

By being so embedded in the industry, this need for closure can get forgotten by hearing from people - and the media - that they feel our industry isn't needed, is fading or even worse, is full of crooks.  I listen to people say that their kids won't come out to visit their grave, so why spend the money?  I read obituaries that indicate that "no services will be held" per the request of the deceased.  And sometimes, I fall into the cynicism of this mentality... thankfully only temporarily.  All it takes is one "thank you for everything you've done" or a conversation like I overheard this morning to remember that this is a business like no other. It takes very special people to help carry forward the message about how imperative a funeral, closure and a final resting place is for those who are left behind after a death takes place.  This applies to all deaths, not just the tragedies.  Life, not matter how grandiose or simple it may have been lived, needs to be acknowledged.  Please continue to drive this message to the families and communities you serve. 

I came across something interesting last week...funeral cakes. We use cakes to celebrate holidays, anniversaries, births, and now deaths? Is this a  good way to memorialize someone? Check out some of these elaborate funeral cakes. www.buzzfeed.com/melismashable/funeral-cakes

When I was a student in seminary – yes folks I went to seminary and actually graduated, the buzz word in the academic world of theology was this big impressive word – demythologization.  The meaning of demythologization is:  to rid of mythological elements in order to discover the underlying meaning.

Here is an example.  In seminary we had courses where the professor’s assignment in the class was to demythologize biblical legends – in other words take the stories in the Bible and rationally discover the underlying meaning – sounded good to me, at first.  For instance in a Old Testament course I took the professor was firm and unmoving that the story about the Egyptians chasing the children of Israel and in the end getting swallowed up by the Red Sea, was in reality nothing rationally nothing more than the topographical fact that the Red Sea is maybe a foot deep at anyone place and while the children of Israel could easily navigate the shallow waters on foot the Egyptian’s heavy and cumbersome chariots got stuck in the mud, and that my friend’s is a clear example of demythologization. It left me cold, but inquisitive. 

As you might well imagine a few students were angry as hell and some stomped out of the classroom.  This behavior however did not deter the professor and his assignment to knock down our religious “myths.”  I personally did not take him too seriously in fact I did not take much of the seminary experience too seriously – just to protect my own mental health.  You might well ask, “Why the hell did you even go?” Good question, and a quarter of a century after the experience I am still asking myself the same question – but that is fodder for another time.

Here is another example of demythologization.  When I was a child in every classroom in my school, from kindergarten to high school, in every classroom there were impressive portraits of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.  Nobody had to say a word.  Not one word, because the message was clear – these two men were terribly important, they were heroes.  I knew they were heroes even before I knew what a hero was such was the power and influence of the myth.

In the process of demythologization however heroes are made into antiheroes, for today we know that George Washington was human, made mistakes, owned human beings, and just was probably not as great as we thought he was.  Lord knows Lincoln has been demythologized, for people are still arguing and debating his life and legacy 140+ years after his untimely and unexpected death.  This stuff still leaves me cold, and not so inquisitive.

Make no mistake, demythologizing is in itself powerful, and make no mistake about it, demythologization has consequences and consequences for our profession.

What I found interesting in listening to theological professors taking apart biblical legends is that they did not replace our time honored thinking with any type of new replacements.  It left me cold.  It was like tearing a fence down before you understood why the fence was put up in the first place.  I much preferred the stories where the myths were alive with metaphor and meaning, that left me feeling warm inside, whether the myth was based in rational, logical fact or not.  Just made me feel good.

Certainly it appears to me that our culture yearns and continues to search for heroes.  However in these contemporary times heroes seem to be illusive prey, they seem to be well hidden, and I guess for good reason, because today if a person is deemed a hero I have observed that thousands of cynics, media pundits, editors, columnists, commentators, literally scramble to outdo each other in tearing down the hero myth to such an extent that the “hero” is reduced to being just like the rest of us.  However being just like the rest of us is in mythology, in the world of hidden silent truths is simply not true.  Also what is not true is that just because some talking head on CNN bashes and tears to pieces a “hero” does not mean that heroes and/or beliefs in stories/ legends and myths do not exist, in fact I believe they have a urgent need to flourish in this cynical, sterile, skeptical culture we live in.

I am not referring to politicians, or business executives, or bankers, or health insurance officials, who clearly have been demythologized. Here is what I am referring to.

The other night I was watching the political commentator Bill Maher on television.  As with any television person I am not enamored.  I liked and miss Walter Cronkite, but I also liked and miss Lawrence Welk, so there you have it, I am a nerd.

This night Bill Maher was on a diatribe against, and bashing into the earth of all people, now get this, SULLY SULLENBERGER.  No kidding, Mr. Maher was off like a shot tearing Mr. Sullenberger to shreds.  No stone was left unturned.  I was so stunned that I left the television running.

Mr. Maher took the myth of Mr. Sullenberger being a true American hero and said publically that he had had enough of listening and watching the honors which this pilot was receiving.  Now I am well aware that Mr. Maher has the right to voice his opinions, and I suspect he makes a decent living doing so, but I thought of something that another professor mine told me years ago.

THERE IS TRUTH IN MYTH.  THERE IS TRUTH IN MYTH – ALL MYTHS CONTAIN TRUTH.  

Let’s take Mr. Sullenberger for a moment.  Is it a little bit impressive that somebody could land a great big airplane safely in the middle of the Hudson River?  I mean folks he missed the George Washington Bridge, and the Lincoln Tunnel, and the Holland Tunnel and a whole lot of boats, and a side note HE MISSED MANHATTAN, NEW YORK.  Not one person was killed, not one.  So yes in the world of demythologization, my former theological professor would have claimed that probably any pilot (except for the crack pilots on Northwest who missed the airport by 150 miles) could have easily landed that plane. Yeh, sure.  Personally I think not, and while the hoopla around Mr. Sullenberger might have annoyed Mr. Maher, there is truth in the myth that Sully was and is a hero.  Not the entire truth, for he is a human being, but there is truth floating around in this legend, in this story about one pilot.

So what does all this have to do with funerals?  I believe from my travels and experiences that many people are demythologizing the dead and the funeral ritual.  They are demythologizing the rituals of the funeral ceremony.  They are demythologizing saying goodbye, and they are getting big time encouragement from the prototype “Bill Mahers” who today have a presence in our profession and who are talking about why people ought to demythologize death activities.

For centuries upon centuries, for over several millennia, human beings found the best way to have personalized death rituals were to incorporate the dead human body as best they could into these once in a lifetime activities.  I have often pondered how much more personal can any death ritual be than when a parent is in close in proximity to their dead child – where they can look, see, touch, caress the corpse?  Certainly this type of personalization is much more dramatic and much more tasking than possibly the dove release, but in heavy duty psychology the mantra and myth has been and still is that the toughest life experiences usually result in the greatest longtime growth in the neverending process of maturation.

However today demythologization has clearly taken place and gotten a strong foothold on the “myth” of the value of the corpse being essentially necessary.  In the process of demythologization the corpse has now been dubbed by the demythologizers as a “toxic pickle.”  People, many people, innocently respond to this demythologization of the dead because it seems easier, more environmentally friendly, more cool, more green.  However if my old professor is correct, THERE IS TRUTH IN MYTH.  So does a corpse possess truth?

I would like to suggest that the demythologizing of the dead, when some inherent truths about life exist in a dead person, is a slippery slope to travel.  Certainly the idea that a corpse contains truthful lessons about life is something that has to be looked for and discovered, but without time spent with a dead person in close proximity I would like to suggest that these truths about living life are missed or worse yet the significance of these truths about life for my own life are missed.  The significance of the event of someone dying is an integral part of the truth in the myth about the value of viewing the dead.

Somewhere in the myth that dealing with the dead is important, truths abound.  The first truth is that when I look at the shell of a dead person I am looking straight at previews of coming attractions for me, no getting around that truth – and today most certainly that truth in the myth can and appears to be a tough pill for many to swallow.  Second, looking at the shell of a dead person is the truth if allowed to sink in is the extremely valuable life lesson which is this:  I had better get off my brains and start living life – the myth possesses the truth concerning the urgency to live life.  Third, looking at a dead person possess the truth about the reverential and gentler side of life.  It is most always a time of reflection and discernment, both good and not so good thoughts, and this is a great truth for all of us, particularly in these dog eat dog times.  Fourth, looking at and participating in the myth of looking at dead people replaces the void created by demythologizing the dead into a rational, sterile, logical “toxic pickle” with something of deeper meaning and substance and which has been valid to the betterment of the human experience since time immemorial.

To demythologize simply for the sake of changing things, simply for the sake of change, has been proven time and again in history of humanity of going from nothing to nothing.  I am all for change, and try my best to embrace it, understand it, and change with the times.  However as a person who has been exposed to the down side of the process of demythologizing life into sterility, rationalizations, logic, and anti-heroism, and anti-legends I need to stop myself and say that myths surrounding life experience such as physical death hold deep seeded truths and it is up to me to discover them, and hold on to them, and to realize that life needs ongoing passion, beliefs, sentiments and this is most often discovered in the hidden truths which are found in all myth across the globe.

The ancient myth that having a dead body visible and present at death rituals is from this vantage point not only an essential but also possesses truths about life’s deep meanings.  I believe the myth about the value of viewing a dead human body has underlying value but it must be given a breath of life to be effective and reclaim its ancient position in the betterment of the human experience.

I know this position is not and will not be popular, but I thought it worth putting pen to paper.  Also I want to go on record that I believe firmly in the myth that Capt. Chesley Sullenberger is a true American hero.  It makes me feel good to hold that private truth close to my heart, and I hope that when my plane is starting to descend into the murky waters of the Hudson River that the hero myth of Mr. Sullenberger is sitting in the cockpit.  The other reason I like to hold onto the hero myth concerning flying of course is much more practical – I don’t know how to drive a great big airplane, and I suspect neither does Bill Maher. 

Anyway that is one old undertaker’s opinion.  TVB

The Washington Post has written stories on just about every aspect of the paralyzing snowstorms that have closed down many government offices and businesses, and today the funeral directors who stay on duty no matter what get their due. Finding a cemetery that can handle a burial is one of many challenges, but the story notes that Arlington Cemetery is plowed and handling services unless canceled by the family.

Read the full story at: www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/11/AR2010021102134...

Last week I spent a very nice day doing some training.  What a wonderful, professional group of individuals in the group – no grumpy, fussing complaining people – no, not one.  It was fun, energizing, focused, and above all dedicated to discussions and knowledge about one major subject – serving families better.  It was refreshing, and did this old undertaker’s soul a world of good.

During the time that I had to teach I posed a question that I always ask any group I am working with:  “What do you think is the greatest threat and challenge facing funeral service today?”  I believe it is a good question to ask because the question basically cuts to the chase of what I believe seminars should be all about and eliminates any potential “Pollyanna” stuff which one often encounters in what is called group thinking.  I mean, really, anybody can deal with the good times, when things are going really well, that takes little talent. But are these times in funeral service/cemetery work good times and going really well???????

Here are some of the responses I received to my question:  casket stores, WalMart (of course nobody liked WalMart), cremation increase, lost casket sales, government regulations, poor recruitment efforts, changed people, changed demographics, changed value systems, funeral director wannabes butting in, aggressive sales techniques, and general malaise and apathy concerning detailed funeral service.  One courageous funeral professional even remarked that they thought one of the major problems funeral service was experiencing was preachers who did not know how to preach and hence ruined all the good work of the funeral home!

It was a great discussion and all the responses were valid I, thought anyway, to one degree or another. 

Privately, and I eventually shared this thought with the group, I have been haunted by an issue which just does not get discussed or explored much in professional circles, the almost silent issue of dwindling time.  In other words the erosion of the time that people spend these days in funeral and cemetery activities, in rites rituals and ceremonies, in leave-taking, in saying goodbye, in saying their final farewells.  This dwindling of time haunts me, and I believe we are already experiencing the consequences and they are not favorable.

When I was 14, my grandfather died in Southwestern Iowa.  He was 90 something, we really never knew how old he actually was, because he was born in Holland and never had a birth certificate.  He did not even have a Social Security number, and could not read or write English.  He smoked 20 cigars a day and had seven children.  I adored him.

Upon his death we called the trusty old Blust Bros. to come out to the farm to get his body.  What a nice way to describe an undertaker – trusty and old.  Later that day my grandmother and a few select family members, me included, picked out the casket in the showroom in the back of the furniture store.  Everything came to $800.  My grandfather had kind of prearranged his funeral without the help of the Blust Bros. by putting ten $100 bills in an envelope which was labeled “Funeral.”

My grandmother just handed Henry Blust the entire envelope and said “Take out of that what you will need.”  Mr. Blust counted out eight $100 bills and handed the rest back to my grandmother.  What a transaction – win/win in 1964!  Until the day she died my grandmother thought that Henry Blust was a saint from heaven because she received a “refund” on her husband’s funeral – two hundred dollars!   Trusty old undertaker Mr. Henry Blust did not take all her money – now there is a refreshing idea.

The first day at the viewing our horribly dysfunctional family gathered in the large room at the Blust Bros.  Some of these people basically hated each other and had not talked to each other for years even though they only lived maybe seven miles apart.  The Van Becks weren’t and are not today the Waltons. No one ever said “Good night, Todd Boy” to me.

That first day, seeing my grandfather, we all cried for six hours.

The next day new people started showing up.  There were some tears for some, but basically we were all standing around getting all the most recent updates on the gossip concerning our family.  You know the drill – who is back drinking too much, who is cheating on their spouse, who got kicked out of high school, who just lost their driver’s license, who is still borrowing money. You know, gossip – our family seems to thrive on it.

The third day at the funeral home the place looked like we were having a party.  Food was everywhere, people were laughing, some still crying, but most were just talking about what a long and useful life my grandfather had lived, and it was concluded by everybody that this fact was a comfort and blessing.

On the fourth day we had a funeral for him at 2 p.m. (that is when Protestants went to heaven in our little community) and buried him in the Oak Hill Cemetery in Hancock, Iowa.  After the funeral we all returned to the basement of the church, where the church ladies as usual had prepared a funeral feast.  Trust me, folks, Iowa church ladies know how to put on a funeral feast – nothing better not even at the Tavern on the Green in New York City.

Here are a few more particulars. The casket was a cloth covered wood, and looked real nice.  The outer box at the cemetery was made of wood which was an old railroad shipping case.  There were some nice flowers.  The preacher did a nice job.  It was a nice funeral, a nice experience, and in three days our entire family had moved from crying and weeping to celebrating. BUT IT TOOK THREE DAYS – IT TOOK TIME.

From a funeral service perspective, here are some particulars. First off the Blust Bros. building was used for three full days. The lights were on, the air conditioners were running full blast, the taped music was playing, the register book was out, the public was showing up by the tens of hundreds, the Blust Bros. were on the floor of the funeral home and not sitting in a coffee lounge watching a soap opera or Bob Barker giving away a new car.  They had embalmed my grandfather and he looked great.  They had dressed him and he looked really spiffy.  They had NOT put on too much cosmetics.  The funeral coach was not new, but it was shiny and clean, and the Blust Bros. were dressed impeccably. 

Here is a private thought.  I pangs me to drive by a funeral home at night and see that the entire place is dark – nothing is happening – nobody is going in or out, and I know that inside the building there are five deceased persons.  That bothers me. 

Looking back at my grandfather’s funeral, it was full of meaning, it was full of memories, it was full of emotion, and it was full of life.  It was definitely worth $800.

BUT IT TOOK TIME.

I have told this experience to thousands of funeral and cemetery professionals across North America and when I tell this story everyone gets a peaceful smile and pensive look on their faces.  I ask them “Do you think this was a valuable experience?”  They all nod in the affirmative – yes, indeed.

Last week when I was doing my seminar I flew into my old hometown Cincinnati, “The Queen City.”  I miss Cincinnati terribly.  I was getting my rental car and looked at the morning issue of the local newspaper and started reading the obituaries.  Here is one that caught my attention and sent chills down my spine.  “Calling hours at the mortuary starting at 11:00 a.m.; funeral will begin at Noon.”

One hour!  One hour!  One hour!  Now in these times, add to this immediate cremation, immediate burials, private graveside services, private services, services at the convenience of family. Well, here is a question:  If we have gone from memorializing our dead for three days of time say 35 years ago, down to 3 – 5 hours of time today, what will be the time that people use for funerals in the year 2020?  Three days down to three hours!  Dwindling ...

Dwindling, dwindling, and dwindling!  Fewer people attending funerals, less time being spent memorializing our dead – dwindling.  

I personally believe that dwindling time is the greatest threat to the future of the funeral.  Without time or without our making the precious little time we have to serve a family absolutely the most meaningful that it can be I believe we will continue to see the natural erosion of the funeral experience.  Funerals need time they always have and always will.

To this end I believe that just simple awareness on our parts of this silent issue is tantamount to our improving this situation.  Our awareness of this silent issue of dwindling time will stimulate professionals in funeral service and cemetery work to adapt, and adopt the new and improved methods which are being promoted everyplace and everyday to serve families to the best of our abilities within the time constraints that modern life and times are imposing upon us.  

We can and do have an influence on the decisions that our families make.  

Anyway that is one old undertaker’s opinion. TVB

It might be helpful to remind folks that Walter Cronkite passed away last Friday after having lived nine decades.

I was traveling that week in Tennessee and Mississippi and I noticed that so many people had not realized that Mr. Cronkite has died.  However everybody I encountered knew that Michael Jackson had died. I found this somewhat disconcerting but not entirely surprising.  It was almost like I was waiting for CNN or some other 24 hour news cast to announce a month after his death that, “We interrupt this program for a breaking news story:  Michael Jackson is still dead.  Film on the hour every hour for twenty four for the next five years.”

Yes, indeed, I was reminded once again that Michael Jackson was in fact dead.

Late one evening last week, the day after Mr. Cronkite died, I watched a several-hour tribute, which in comparison with what has aired about Michael Jackson, was a brief tribute.  Let’s remind ourselves that Walter Cronkite was widely acclaimed as the best and finest in television journalism of our time, and while I was sitting in my bed in the hotel, I reminded myself that Mr. Cronkite had been elected “the most trusted man in American” in 1972.  In about two hours this tribute (on cable news) was finished and I felt cheated.  I wanted more.  I thought that in this age of 24 hour news, the cable news network, the major networks, and all the accessory means of beaming out stories to the world, that the media might have been able to fill a few more hours with reflections on Walter Cronkite’s singular contribution to American and world history, but that was not to be.

But what an influence Walter Cronkite had!  I remember as a young lad in Iowa hanging on every word that come out of his mouth, including his announcement of President Kennedy’s assassination, and how touched I was that he shed a tear after he announced to the world that Kennedy was indeed dead.  I was listening to Walter Cronkite while in a funeral coach responding to a death call in 1969 when he play by play took us through the landing of a man on the moon.

I recall vividly Mr. Cronkite’s moving reports from the war front and how he almost challenged President Lyndon B. Johnson on the war when he proclaimed on the CBS Evening News that he thought the Viet Nam War was in a stalemate.  Mr. Cronkite’s treatment of the Watergate scandal was professional and diplomatic, which was a requirement to help hold the country together, and his unforgettable coverage of the Iranian Hostage crisis helped to calm and reassure a panicked nation when even the president of the United States appeared lost and alone.

Interestingly, while most Americans remember the Beatles only in association with Ed Sullivan and his Sunday evening variety show, the truth is that the Beatles' first exposure to America was on Walter Cronkite’s televised news report

Walter Cronkite was able to accomplish exactly what Edward R. Murrow had pulled off a generation before, and that was personifying the absolute best in television journalism.  “BREAKING NEWS: MICHAEL JACKSON IS STILL DEAD.”

The evening I watched the two-hour tribute to Walter Cronkite, the program was competing here and there during the same two hour period with a story about Michael Jackson’s favorite tooth paste and an “exclusive” fifteen minute report on what literature the Jackson children were presently reading that week.  Nothing was said about the literature that Mr. Walter Cronkite enjoyed reading.

Without question, the death of Michael Jackson was indeed a tragic event, and yes, Walter Cronkite lived 9 decades while poor Michael only got 5 – certainly not fair.  With that said, I found it odd and interesting that “Bubbles the Chimp,”  Michael Jackson’s self proclaimed friend, got more airtime over the weekend than did Mr. Cronkite.

The death and funerals of these two highly divergent men make for interesting observations, which once again proves that funerals do reflect life.  Michael Jackson created news, Walter Cronkite reported it.  Michael Jackson was a showman, Walter Cronkite was terribly aware of the potential use and abuse of showmanship.  Here is an example.  For while Mr. Jackson’s death and funeral are still news stories night after night this was NOT how Walter Cronkite handled the reporting of the death and funeral of President John F. Kennedy.  For two weeks in the latter part of November 1963, Mr. Cronkite reported on the deceased president night after night, but Cronkite himself called an end to it after two weeks.  Enough, was his reason.  Enough – it was time for the country to move on, and he was correct.  

I fear that Mr. Cronkite’s beloved television journalism has left that clear type of thinking years ago, and the diatribe of Michael Jackson will probably go on and on and on and on.

Michael Jackson made records which had little if anything to do with real life.  Mr. Cronkite told real life stories which had everything to do with how things were on that particular day.  There is a big difference between the two.  Records and videos can be played time and time again – but announcing the death of the president of the United States comes only once.  “This just in:  MICHAEL JACKSON IS STILL DEAD, in spite of reports that he was seen with Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley yesterday at a Hollywood Starbucks drinking a latte mixed to Michael’s exacting specifications.  Film at 11:00 p.m.”

Michael Jackson made news.  Walter Cronkite reported it and helped interpret it.  Mr. Jackson made news by marrying Elvis Presley’s daughter, dangling a baby over a balcony, and, well, his activities with the young – you decide.  Walter Cronkite however reported to the world some of the most important events in history, and no million-selling album will ever compete with that concerning depth and character.

This is a terribly sad thought.  As I was watching the limited media attention to a 90 + year old man’s life, the thought crossed my mind that if Walter Cronkite had been accused of pedophilia or had dangled one of his children from the balcony of the Waldorf-Astoria, the media attention at his death might have been far greater than what it was.  Is that not sick?

However in the end both men’s funerals have turned into a truth serum concerning how they lived their lives.  Mr. Jackson’s funeral was a grand affair held in the Staples Center in downtown Lost Angeles which ended up costing the city millions of taxpayer dollars.  Mr. Cronkite’s funeral will be held at an Episcopal Church on Park Avenue in midtown Manhattan where he had sent his children to Sunday school and where his wife’s funeral had been held in 2005.

At present to one seems to be sure of the fate of Michael Jackson’s body, but Mr. Cronkite will be laid to rest in a quiet Kansas City cemetery in the midwest which he loved so much, next to his wife Betsey.

I always thought that Mr. Cronkite had an outstanding and real cool signoff with “And that’s the way it is.”  However, given the state of the television journalism in these times, I think that if he had done his signoff while wearing one white sequined glove he might have gotten a few more tributes and mentions from his own beloved profession – television journalism.

Of course in Mr. Cronkite’s broadcasting heyday, such a nutty stunt would have certainly have gotten him fired from CBS and well might have sent him packing off to the nearest funny farm.

Walter Cronkite is no more, and with his death television news journalism lost one of the moral icons that kept news focused, kept news honest, and kept news interesting – and Mr. Cronkite was able to do all three for over 5 decades – not bad.

Now at the present when I watch a “television journalist” reporting once more on such “critical” events as the status of Lindsay Lohan’s love life or the utterly tragic world-shattering and devastating news of Jessica Simpson’s horrible breakup with a man named Tony Romo, I have to wonder – did Mr. Cronkite really die of advanced vascular disease, or, my friends, did he really die of a broken heart?

In my heart of hearts I can easily imagine that it just might be that Mr. Walter Cronkite’s last words were, “look at what they’ve done to my medium.”  “News Flash:  MICHAEL JACKSON IS STILL DEAD. However his music will live on after record producer Lance Loveguard announced that Michael’s son Blanket will record a box set of Michael’s ‘cover’ tunes.  Film at 2:30 a.m.”

There will not be a televised tribute show at the Staples Center featuring celebrities singing songs and forgetting the lyrics in front of a framed photo of Walter Cronkite.  As well it should be.  Also news stations across the world will not be interrupting “All My Children” and pissing off one million soap opera fans to show the solemn funeral procession or Mr. Cronkite’s burial in Missouri.  As well is should be.

Walter Cronkite thankfully will be buried in the same way he delivered the nightly news for two decades – with dignity, free of any hyperbole and sensationalism.  Mr. Jackson’s funeral reflected his life, Mr. Cronkite’s funeral reflected his – only difference is that Uncle Walter, as he was known to millions, really did deserve more air time on his air waves – he basically invented the profession and hence he earned it.

Anyway that is one old undertaker’s opinion.  TVB

Mr. Jackson's funeral is over, or is it?  I knew when I was told of his death at such a terribly young age that the combination of his celebrity status, his more than eccentric life style, and his untimely death would definitely create quite a stir. Quite a stir is a ridiculous understatement. Add to this the fact that everything happened in Los Angeles, and the sky was the limit as to what would and what did happen.

My new bride Georgia and I returned from a week honeymoon yesterday afternoon. We spent 8 great days traveling England from Kent up to Oxfordshire. Our headquarters were at the Charing Cross Hotel next to Trafalgar Square and we were in the thick of activities.

I have enjoyed a fruitful and long association with many funeral directors in England for many years, and each and every trip I have made over to the Merry Old country I am always struck by the solidification and stability of funeral service in that country. American funeral service seems adicted to the flavor of the week, but not so in England. I am not in any way suggesting that American funeral service ought to imitate English funeral service, but, my friends, there are some points of difference which make me ponder the endless race that American funeral service is caught up in, a race where it seems nobody really knows where the finish line is.

First off, English funeral service is a thousand times less complicated than it is in the US. The English simplicity in funeral service is glaringly seen by the type of facilities that are used. Most times the funeral establishment is just that-- it is not a home, or a mansion, or a palace, it is a store front establishment, like any other business might use, be it the clothier, pharmacy, pub, or even a motor company. Their simple but tasteful facilities certainly contribute to the very reasonable charges that the typical English family encounters.

We saw a typical English funeral in Oxford and as always I was mighty impressed. The funeral directors were dressed in mourning attire, black coats, white shirt, gray vest, black and gray stripped tie, and stripped pants, respendent with silk top hats. It looked exactly the way I used to dress for a Heafey funeral 40 years ago. Also, they do not block out the interior of their funeral coaches with drapes. The coffin (few caskets are used) is up high enough that the public can see it clearly and the flowers are placed on top of the funeral coach.

I have a good friend of mine in Glasgow, Scotland, whose funeral faciility is possibly 3,000 sq. feet, and out of this single corner building he manages to run over 800 funerals a year. Very impressive.

One of the points that seems to baffle American funeral directors is the fact that there is no certification or licensure required to be a funeral director or embalmer in England. They have impressive voluntary certifications which many people use, but the government makes no requirements. The first time I was exposed to this system, I was shocked and challenged the wisdom of no license. The English funeral director shot right back at me and brought to my attention the baffling array of requirements from state and state to become licensed, which he suggested was ridiculous, and then he capped off the English position with this stunner - just look at how much unlicensed work goes on in every state in America. He had made his point.

Lastly, the English might have simple, quaint facilities, visible funeral coaches, classy funeral attire, and really reasonable funeral charges, but what the excell at is memorial masonry, monuments. Every time I visit Westminster Abbey I remind myself that I might be in a church, but where I really am is a cemetery. The English have a extremely high cremation rate, but interestingly, almost everybody is embalmed and they have a full-service traditional funeral. Throughout England, memorials are seen everywhere, which speaks to me that this wonderful group of people remember and revere their dead.

The dead in England seem not to be the cause of complication after complication as is the trend today in America. Of course in the end, people will care for their dead in a consistent manner with how they live their lives, so in American it is extremely fast, quick, whereas in England the funeral is much slower, simple, and body-centered.

This trip made me homesick for the good old days in American funeral service. Say - when exactly did dead bodies become a problem for us? Just a question. TVB

"The earliest surviving Florentine check was drawn on the Castellani bank in November 1368 to pay a draper for black cloth for a family funeral."—from "The Devil's Broker: Seeking Gold, God and Glory in Fourteenth-Century Italy," by Frances Stonor Saunder

A lot of characters have been killed off in seasons 1-4, and no doubt more will die in seasons 5 and 6. As always when I watch a TV show or a movie, I notice cemetery/funeral scenes. Of course there aren't any funeral homes or official cemeteries on the island, at least none that we've seen. But there have been plenty of scenes showing people dealing with the aftermath of death.

STOP if you haven't watched all four seasons: MANY SPOILERS AHEAD! I'm going by memory here, so this may not be a complete list--feel free to add to it:

* After they've been on the beach a couple of days and wild boars have entered the fusilage foraging for food, Jack decides the decomposing bodies must be burned. Sayid, who is Iraqi and later confirmed as being Muslim, objects to imposing cremation on people who might not have wished to be cremated. (The writers assume viewers will know why he objects--or will look it up.) Dr. Jack says they can't bury all those people deep enough to keep the boars from digging up the bodies, so cremation it is. Claire gathers their belongings and uses the information she gleans to lead a service, where the remaining passengers do their best to say something to eulogize each of the deceased.

* Boone is buried with a service, at which Sayid speaks. Boone's stepsister, Shannon, has a hard time dealing with her grief. When they take refuge in the caves, she insists on dragging Boone's luggage with her and breaks down crying. Sayid understands and helps her with the luggage rather than telling her to leave it behind. Later Sun tries to comfort Shannon, telling her that Boone died bravely.

* When Shannon is killed, Sayid digs the grave himself, placing her by her brother. Another service is held; Sayid again speaks.

* Paralyzed by spider venom into a state mimicking death, Nikki & Paulo are buried alive. The less said about the infamous Nikki & Paulo story arc, the better!

* Libby and Ana Lucia are buried, with a service, after being murdered. Hurley, who was sweet on Libby, is later seen by her grave, talking to her.

* Jack was on Oceanic 815 because his mother asked him to go to Australia to bring his father's body back to the US. There's a scene where an Aussie at the ticket counter is telling him he doesn't have the necessary paperwork from a funeral home to have the casket put on the plane, and he manages to talk her into accepting him and the casket. Hmmm, that seems unlikely in these post-9/11 days! Wonder what went through that ticket agent's mind when the plane was lost?!

* One of the red herrings the writers throw in to keep Jeremy Bentham's identity a mystery until the last possible minute is the funeral home where his body is being held. The fact that the funeral director is black and the funeral home seems to be in a black section of the city are obviously designed to feed the fan theory that Bentham is Michael.

* After the Oceanic 6 return home, the service for Jack's father is finally held, though the casketed body he talked onto the plane is of course not on hand. Jack eulogies his father, with whom he had a difficult relationship, in a touching way, and says he loved him.

* Hurley visits Sun in Korea to see her baby. They then go to the cemetery together and visit Jin's grave, where Sun talks to Jin and "shows" him his daughter.

* We see Sayid with others carrying a coffin as part of a funeral procession in the Middle East. It turns out Nadia has been killed and he has returned to Tikrit to bury her.

* There's a lot of debate about whether Ben/The Others are in fact "the good guys," as Ben claims. The fact that Ben killed his father and then left his body in the van, not even bothering to bury him (his body falls apart when the survivors find the van and try to get it running), makes him seem pretty bad to me.

Will there be any time for scenes showing reverent treatment of the dead and/or dealing with grief in Seasons 5 & 6? The previews make the action in Season 5 look more frantic than ever, and we learned at the end of Season 4 that "everyone" died because Jack and the others left the island. During Season 4, there was no service for much-loved Claire, who appears to have died while everyone was on the move somewhere. Ditto Charlie, at the end of Season 3. (Of course there were no bodies in those cases.) Stay tuned ...